Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Traffic Games

Doing your makeup, texting, eating, choosing a song on your ipod.
These are all things you do while sitting in mind-numbing traffic.
Photo courtesy of
Ever get bored of those things and wonder what other fun stuff you could do while sitting there, waiting to inch up 5 feet?
Well here's a few creative ideas for the next time your stuck in a bad traffic jam.
1. Wave at the guy in the car next to you like you know him. He'll be so confused and creeped out that it will amuse you for at least 10 minutes while he sits there avoiding eye contact and trying to remember where you know him from.
2. Actually call the number on the back of the truck in front of you that says "tell me how my driving is." I know you've always wondered whether those things are real or not. So try it out.
3. Ask the guy in the car next to you if he wants to switch cars for a few miles. Once again, they will be so confused and creeped out that it will make you laugh for a while.
4. Actually get a picture of the guy next to you picking his nose. It's a classic.


Birthday weekends

When it comes to girls, birthdays aren't just 24 hours. They last all weekend, or maybe even a whole week. It's a national holiday and a major event.
When it comes to a girl's birthday, there's a few musts.
It's absolutely essential to pimp the birthday girl out with a sash and crown when you go out. If you're throwing a party, decorations, fancy cups and balloons are key. Everyone needs to know this isn't just some party, it's THE party. Plus you need a banner and balloons to pose next to so all of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter know just how awesome the party was.
Photo courtesy of

Birthday Dinner
You have to all of your friends to a sit-down, dress-up dinner before the birthday girl's big night on the town. Everyone gets to catch up (sober) and there's plenty of opportunities for selfies.
Hungover brunch
There's just nothing like strutting you're stuff into the nearest breakfast join with the half-broken crown still on the birthday girl's head the next morning for a hungover brunch. Sipping on mimosas while laughing about how drunk Becky got the night before and giggling obnoxiously loud so everyone at the local eatery knows you had a fun birthday night.

Remember, the number of pictures you upload is directly proportional to the amount of fun you had on your birthday weekend, so snap away!


Mom and Dad, I'm Home

"Clean your room!"
"Wake up, you're wasting the day sleeping!"
"Don't forget to brush your teeth!"
None of these are things you probably thought you'd be hearing after high school, never mind after receiving a bachelor's degree.
However, it's a brutal reality for many post-grads nowadays that they have to move back home with Mommy and Daddy. Rents are high and the job market sucks. And taking another year of Intro classes just to stay in college as a super-senior just isn't going to work. So, it's back to the nest until you get a job and save some money.

And it's back to prison, basically. They ask you where you're going, when you'll be home, who you're going with- it's like the inquisition. They worry when you stay out late, get mad when you come in late and you obviously can't bring a girl or a guy back home for the night. And what's probably the worst is the constant nagging about absolutely everything. They can turn a pleasant "good morning" exchange into a deep conversation about what you're going to do with your life.

And then there's the siblings. They steal you're clothes, eat your left overs and constantly "borrow" your car. They're like roommates, but you cant pregame with them or lay in bed telling funny stories about the night before.

My advice: save as much as you can waitressing, get a cheap apartment and figure it out from there.


It's not just black and white

The phrase "it's not just black and white" has never seemed truer to me than now.

I'm talking about literal black and white- Interracial relationships.

Why, you ask, am I bringing this up? Well, I've never had to think about it before now. Seriously, it never phased me or crossed my mind when I saw a black man and a white woman together or visa-versa. It's not out of the ordinary and I never took a second look or thought.

Recently, my best friend (who is white) started dating a black man. I'm not going to lie to you it was a bit surprising not because I'm racist or anything, but simply because he is not at all her type. She was nervous about me meeting him, but once I did and liked him a lot she was extremely relieved- which was weird because she's never depended this much on my judgement of a boy she was seeing. It seemed like my approval was crucial to her. Like she was trying to decide if she would continue the relationship based on what I thought.

And that was true, I found out. She was so nervous that her friends would disapprove that she literally didn't want to get too close to him before getting the OK from us.

Both of us having grown up in a rich white Irish town in Boston our whole lives, we knew it would be difficult breaking this to her parents. Even if they acted like it was okay, you just knew that they would secretly disapprove because that's how they were raised. She still hasn't taken him home to meet her parents even though they are getting very serious now because she is scared. She can't share one of the biggest parts of her life right now with the people she loves the most simply because he is black.

Now, when I see interracial couples I actually stop and think about it. What's the back story that no one sees when they're smiling walking down the street? Do family or friends disapprove? Do they have to hide it? Knowing what I know from my friends experience, I really admire couples that can face these extreme prejudices and obstacles and still be happy and strong together. It's really given me an inside perspective into the racism that really does still exist everywhere.

So, don't worry about what other people think or say. Do you. Do who you want. Do what you want. And don't apologize for it.


How To Make Love Like a Porn Star

579 pages. Countless memorable quotes. Funny stories. Heartfelt tales. And scary tear-jerking accounts.

Porn star Jenna Jameson's autobiography, "How To Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale," is not what you would expect. Well, it is because it gives the dirty details of her raunchy times in front of the camera, but it is actually so much more than that. This book is almost as thick as the bible and, despite the nearly 100 pages of pictures, it's actually a great read.

You wouldn't think this from seeing the cover, but seriously, when I started reading this book I couldn't put it down because it was interesting, sad, scary and funny.

Photo courtesy of

The book tells of her childhood, how she got into porn, her drug addiction and finding her current husband. And she must either be a secret English major gifted with words or she had an amazing ghost writer because it is beautifully written and thoughtful.

One of my favorite quotes ever comes from this book and I often show people the quote on my phone and ask them who they think the author is. I've gotten responses ranging from Shakespeare and Wordsworth to The Beatles and The Backstreet Boys.

"Love is not an intellectual decision. You can't look for it or hold on to it or run away from it. It comes and goes according to its own wild inclination, completely out of our control. All we can do is recognize it when we feel it, and try to enjoy it while it lasts - be it for a say or a lifetime."

And just so you don't think this is just a sappy love story made up by a porn star, of course there's quotes like this is the infamous Jenna Jameson autobiography.

"Anal sex. Anal fucking sex. Brown-hole-spelunking rusty-can-expanding colon-tickling anal fucking sex."

Because what would a porn star's autobiography be without a little raunch and detail.

I'm not going to get into the plot because I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise for you or shock you with X-rated stories, but give this book a try. Even if you don't like Jenna Jameson, read this book because it's worth it.


Teen Mom turned Teen Slut

Farrah Abraham, Teen Mom star, sold a sex tape to Vivid Entertainment for $1 million dollars, which will obviously be put straight into her daughter's college fund, right? As if she didn't get enough money for acting like an annoying bitch on the TV show, now she gets even more for being an annoying slut in her "leaked" sex tape.

Photo courtesy of

Most of the video consists of a faceless man, "baby" as she calls him, filming her walking around talking about lube and lingerie, and the other half is just her being a slut squealing obnoxiously. Even though she admittedly says she won't watch the video, this conceited mom will probably watch it all the time to "celebrate" her "awesome body," which she said was the reason she filmed the tape.

That's going to be pretty hard to explain to Sophia, her daughter, when she grows up, but hey at least you'll have something to look at when you're old and wrinkly, right Farrah?


Rihanna Drama

If you've seen Rihanna's instagrammed pictures, you'd know she's been going down a slippery path lately. On 4/20, National "let's get high" Day, she posted pictures of weed cakes, money and stripclubs. Apparently her and Chris Brown broke up. AGAIN. And every time you turn you're head you're hearing something else about the star.

However, Monday night, she really pissed a lot of people off when she showed up to the TD BankNorth Garden for her Boston concert 3 HOURS LATE! Not only was she late, but she didn't offer any excuses or apologies, there was no supporting act to go on while the crowd waited, she only went on for an hour once she got there,  and this show was actually a postponed show from over a month ago when she canceled her Boston concert because she was sick. Good fucking job, Ri-Ri.

Perez used this photo to mock the star.
And the Inquisitr even showed footage of fans getting restless waiting for the diva.
Since it was a Monday night, many fans left before Rihanna even showed up because they had school and work in the morning. Boston was pissed. So they took to twitter and Facebook to vent.
People even called into radio stations like Kiss 108 and Jam'n 94.5 to complain. Seriously Rihanna, apologize and stop fucking up.

This is totally going in my blog!

Since my blog is semi-anonymous, my friends, family and boyfriend can't see what I write, mostly because I like to write about them a lot. However, they most definitely know that I have a blog because after a funny story, good conversation or epic night out, I never fail to say.....
Of course, I don't post as much as I should or want to because things are crazy right now. But know that I'm never not thinking about stuff to post here. I have a list in my notes app on my IPhone a mile long of the posts I want to do, but haven't had the time yet. But starting now, that will hopefully all change, so I mean it when I use Barney Stinson's slogan "This is totally going in my blog!"

Ticket Shmicket

Sirens and blue lights flashing. You look in your rear-view mirror and see this.


You immediately think of what you were doing wrong. Speeding? Swerving? Ran a red light? And if you're a girl, more importantly than any of that, you look in your rear-view mirror to check your makeup.

Talking your way out of a ticket is an art form for women. And there's a few different ways to go about it.

Batting your eyelashes, opening your top button and propping up the girls is essential for when a male cop walks over. Not only might it get you a warning or completely out of a ticket, but if its a hot young cop that asks you for your license and registration, it might get you a date. Or at least a quickie in the back of a cop car (Admit it. It's on everyone's bucket list.)

No one likes to see a girl cry. Makeup runs, there's sobbing involved and sometimes even snots. It's usually either unattractive or heartbreaking to watch a girl cry. So when a cop tries to stick you with a $300 speeding ticket, let the tears flow and make up any excuse you possibly can as to why you're speeding and crying. Going to visit your dog in the hospital, just broke up with your boyfriend, late for work and scared you'll get fired. It doesn't really matter what the excuse is because the crying will usually work its way to the heart of the cop or atleast make him so awkward that he doesn't know how to give you the ticket.

Female problems
Speaking of awkward, nothing scares a guy more than speaking about "that time of month." If you mention something about female problems, a male cop with be so embarrassed, awkward and grossed out that he will usually let you go just so you stop talking about it. I have to say this one's pretty low, but you definitely don't have a spare couple hundred dollars lying around for that ticket.
Dropping names
If all else fails, it doesn't hurt to drop a few names. Hopefully you know someone in blue, but if you don't it's a good idea to do some research before you go 90 in a 65. Get to know some names of officers or captains at your town's police station. Even if you don't know them personally, dropping a name and saying their your friend or you went to school with them might help. Chances are the cop that stops you is too busy to find the person you mentioned and tell them he stopped you, but chances are they won't want to give a fellow cop's friend a ticket. Plus, even if they eventually figure out you lied, you're probably a few towns over doing 90 in a 65 again.


Friday, May 3, 2013

The Disclaimer

Have you ever been dating a guy and really liking him when it hits you like a tornado.... "I'm not looking for anything serious like a relationship."

Seriously bro? We're at the fuckin Olive Garden, I've already given up the goodies and you text me nonstop... But you don't want a relationship? 

You have got to be kidding me. 

You just got hit with "The Disclaimer."

This seems to happen all to often to women everywhere. Well, me and my friends atleast. 

So what do you do in this situation? Run for the hills? Play it cool? Tell him you want more?

A few cute girls tell you what they think you should do in this situation here...

Alright, clearly they think you should play it cool and pretend you're down for whatever, while sneakily trying to trick him into wanting more because that's in fact what you want.

Are they delusional? Will this actually work?

Caitlin, in her first of many guest blogs on Chatty Kathy, tells the not-so-pretty story of what happens when you follow this "play it cool" method.

"There was this one guy that I was kind of seeing a few summers ago. He never said straight out that he didn’t want anything serious but it was pretty obvious because he was 22 years-old, living in Boston, and had just gotten out of a serious relationship. His name was Joe and it so happened that I really liked him. I’m not sure if it actually had anything to do with him or the fact that he was unavailable that made him so appealing to me but I pursued him like any naive girl would pursue an unavailable guy. “He’ll want to be with me one day.” False.

So from May to September, I consistently had sex with Joe and played it cool in hopes that he would see me in a different light other than “fuck buddy”. He did take me out on a couple dates which only flamed my hopes. We even went to a Red Sox game on a double date with my friend and his friend which only ended in disaster. Everyone had one too many beers and meaningless fights broke out over nonsense. The Sox game was fun though!

One night, Joe had a small-but-serious party at his apartment in Brighton with his friends and my friends. One of Joe’s roommates had told my friend, Meaghan, that Joe was thinking about asking me out. It turns out that his roommate had told him that that was a mistake. There went my only hopes of being with Joe. I had thought that maybe his roommate’s words wouldn’t stick, but that wasn’t the case.

As the summer drew to a close, I received less and less texts from Joe to hang out and they eventually stopped. I hate being seen as a clingy girl but the less available he was, the more I wanted him. And the more I wanted him, the less available he wanted to be. One of the worst paradoxes that I’m positive every single girl has been through. For the longest time after things ended, I felt like he was “the one that got away”. So cliche but we never actually had a real relationship to even determine if we were a right fit or not. I used to receive the occasional text from Joe wanting to see me but he usually talked about how awesome my ass is. Talk about an obvious booty call text.

I probably wouldn’t have done anything differently because regardless of what I would have done, he still wouldn’t have wanted anything with me. But for some God damn reason, I couldn’t comprehend that. Maybe anal would have helped but I was terrified of that shit back then."

Clearly, it seems like nothing good can come from this tactic to "The Disclaimer."

Photo courtesy of Twenty-Something Bloggers

Jen Kucsak, blogger of Welcome To The Jungle, seems to think that in a case like this, you should run for the hills. Her post "8 Simple Rules for Dating A 20-Something Boy" says "6. No sex on the first night. A one night stand is most likely not going to turn into a relationship. Unless you are a character in a movie, which I highly doubt you are" and "8. Just have fun. Life's too short for playing games. If he's not showing interest, then maybe he's just not that into you."

Cali Bradshaw, of Sex and The Twenties, thinks saying "fuck it" is the way to go. In her blog post, "Dear Brad, You Suck," she says "And after feeling like complete shit for a few days I’ve decided there is only one possible answer to this – this is about him. Whatever his deal is, I am confident I did nothing wrong and there is nothing here that I could learn from or do differently in the future." She goes on to say, "I am a dating blogger… surprise, you are a star! This blog gets about 25,000 hits a month, so congratulations to you on your new found fame." So publicly shame him! Way to go!

Had you asked me my opinion 6 months ago I would have said go along with it until he falls for you. I was doing that with Douche #1 and of course, nothing but drunken weekend booty calls came out of it. 

So had you asked me a month ago, after agonizing months of trying to coax this boy into not "hating girls" and "not being ready," which was his excuse, I would have said absolutely not. Run for the hills or tell him straight-up what you want. 

But of course old habits die hard, so when the next guy came along and threw "The Disclaimer" at me I once again said "yea me either - totally not looking for anything serious." And boom - instant boyfriend.

So I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes playing it cool works and sometimes it makes you run down a never-ending rabithole. Basically, shit happens.


Chatty Kathy: Girls Vs. Sports

A Girl's guide to drinking it through back-to-back sporting events. Basically a "what not to do"

So, This weekend was the national holiday everyone's been waiting for all year: my birthday. My friends got me tickets to the afternoon Bruins game, and by a sick twist of fate, the Red Sox game we were supposed to go to earlier in the week got rescheduled to the same night as the Bruins game. That's a long day of drinking and a quick, hilarious wardrobe change in a parked car to make it through. I attempted to document my day and its hilarity, but by the 5th consecutive hour of drinking in between the games, things like staying awake and even knowing my own name were a struggle, not to mention whipping out my phone to record things. So I'm not gonna lie, a lot of the Red Sox game isn't here, but cut me some slack guys, I was drunk and it was my birthday. Perfect excuse. So enjoy watching my friends make fools of themselves and hearing my annoying voice say, "What are you doing!?" a million times.

[Note: Huge shout out to my web guy, Anthony, for helping me with this shit.]