Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Harpoonfest Flop

What could possibly get this girl out of bed before 3 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon? The promise of a beer-filled day-drinking event at a brewery where the more free beer paraphanelia they give you, the more questionable your judgement gets. Top that off with a 1 p.m. Bruins game, and you've got me sold.

The promise of this bad-decision-but-good-story-making day filled me with excitement as I poured Bailey's and vodka into my signature large Dunkies iced coffee and hit the ground running. After celebrating the bruins win and bad-ass fights with a shot, we hit the road to Harpoonfest. Pulling up to the Seaport District, you could smell beer from a mile away and hear rowdy frat boys chanting nonsense in the long, twisting line down the pier. This day seemed like a dream come true as we casually cut a hundred people line to where a few of our friends were standing.

Starring through the chainlinked fence at the lucky people inside laughing and getting drunk was exhilarating. Shortly, we would be in there having the time of our lives. But as time ticked on, the sun went down and the line barely moved, the drunk shrieking and chanting from inside the gates were just torture. After nearly two hours waiting in line and still about 500 people back (with good word from the bouncers that they were at capacity and doing the whole "one out, one in" thing), we decided to cut our losses and go to a bar closeby. But when we got there, it was so packed that you could physically move let alone get to the bar to order a drink.

My buzz was starting to wear off and it was starting to get late. and when I say late, I mean late for day-drinking, but in the real world it was actually really early to start drinking, around 6 p.m. So instead of having an epic pre-St. Patty's Day-drinking event at Harpoonfest, we ended up at two of our usual hangouts in Fanuel Hall. Harpoonfest Flop. Next time, I'm getting in line at 8 a.m.


Coffee vs. sex

Women would rather give up sex for a week and keep their beloved coffee. Shocking, right? Who are these women and what is wrong with their sex lives? Are they just crazy, coffee-loving, vagina-hating caffeine addicts with no libido?
A recent study on technobuffalo.com explored what's most important in the everyday lives of men and women - sex, coffee, smartphones and alcohol. Here's their shocking results.
Cosmopolitan Magazine, and specifically writer Natasha Burton, were just as shocked as you and I are by this statistic. But if you look closely, this was no landslide. It was a close race, and who are we kidding, we couldn't get up in the morning and function at work without coffee. What do you think? Which one could you absolutely not go a week without?


50 Shades of Grey

It's been almost 2 years since the graphic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, was published.
It's been about a year since women all over the world were dreaming about entering millionaire Christian Grey's red room of pain.

In light of rumors flying everywhere about who will be cast for what roles in this highly anticipated movie, I've decided to share my views of this "sexy" book. The latest rumor is that Allison Williams of HBO's Girls will play Anastasia Steele.

Why did this graphic novel about S&M sex become so popular, selling over 70 million copies and surpassing Harry Potter as the fastest-selling paperback of all time? And is it as good as the 50-year-old school teachers who try to hide the cover on the bus to work in the morning say it is?

Women love this book because they want it hot, rough and rich. Christian Grey is not only ridiculously good looking, but he's rich as fuck. He flies helicopters everywhere, has multiple houses, and is just a rich motherfucker. If women reading this aren't getting off on the red room sex, then they're definitely pleasuring themselves to the massive amounts of money and stuff that Christian showers on Ana. Then there's the "mind-blowing" rough sado-masochism sex. Say what you want about this degrading women, but it's fucking hot and every female secretly wonders what it would be like. If women weren't curious, this wouldn't be the fastest-selling paperback of all time. Being tied up, whipped, gagged and flogged is sexy.

When I first started reading this book I was hooked. I couldn't stop reading, especially when it came to descriptions of Christian caressing Ana and her orgasming. Like most women at the time, there may or may not have been a few nights where I curled up with a large glass of wine and Christian Grey was my date for the night. Halfway through the book, the plot turned absolutely absurd right about the same time where if E. L. James described Ana's tits or Christians penis one more time I was gonna puke. The absurd plot kept me hooked though because I just wanted to find out what happening to these god damned characters, for fucks sake. Now I was flipping through the sex scenes just to see where this twisted plot of psycho cougar exes, stalkers and murders would go.

Two sequels later, the bitch ends up married with 2 kids. And a red room in the garage - kind of a "there's a time and place for that, but we haven't completely lost it." Happily ever fucking after.


Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Spring Breakers

Listen up bitches, here I break down the disney classic- Spring Breakers. Listen to this before wasting $12 on this movie.